So today I find this article:
http://www.cnn.com/2...lity/index.html
Quote
But -- without getting into the moral pros and cons of premarital sex -- that may not always be the case.
"Just because you have good sex, and a lot of it, before marriage doesn't mean it will be that way for your entire life," says social psychologist Justin Lehmiller.
"Our bodies and desires naturally change over time in response to both age and major life events, such as having children, and these changes don't affect everyone in the same way. This means that one partner's sexual needs and wants often change at a much faster rate than the other's, resulting in discrepancies that can precipitate conflict, adultery and divorce."
You can't judge the rest of your sex life by your current experiences, especially if you've had a whirlwind romance. In the beginning of your relationship, you're both under the influence of a potent biochemical cocktail of infatuation hormones.
"A person's inherent need for sensation is not necessarily obvious in the early stages of a relationship, when love itself is a novelty and carries its own thrills," says Marvin Zuckerman, a professor at the University of Delaware whose research involves sensation-seeking. "It's when the sex becomes routine that problems occur."
That's why I recommend that couples talk openly and honestly about sex -- whether or not they're already having it -- before they walk down the aisle.
"As a newlywed sex educator, I've been surprised at how much marriage has changed our sex life in ways I would never have anticipated," says Emily Nagoski, author of the book "A Scientific Guide to Successful Relationships."
"Based on my experience, I think that the best thing a couple can do is talk through a wide range of hypothetical scenarios -- what if one person's interest in sex changes a lot, either increase or decrease? What if one of you gets cancer or is in a car accident and loses sensation below the waist? These 'what ifs' aren't about having a plan for every contingency; they're about practicing your collaborative problem-solving skills."
I admit that my ex wife and I never discussed any of this. We were too young and stupid to think that far ahead. But I ask the married posters here -
1. How is your sex life? How has it changed? Since dating/kids/whatever?
2. Do you have a contingency plan for sex if the unthinkable happened? An accident resulting in you or your partner being crippled or otherwise unable to perform? Would you keep the marriage together but find outside partners? A lifetime of celibacy? How about a Terri Schiavo situation?
3. What would you do if your partner let themselves go, and just became unfuckable? What if they refused to even try? How long do you stay?
4. When you reach a point where your children are getting close to marrying age, what advice would you give them about sex in marriage, if any?
Edited by Sweatpants & Vodka, 16 May 2013 - 08:59 AM.
















